


(Not So) Secretly In Love

by casscrawls (revvon), nyanbacon



Series: Myriad [4]
Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 2012), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: Coming out of the Closet, M/M, Mentions of homophobia, Secret gay relationships, human TMNT au, supportive family and friends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-12
Updated: 2018-07-28
Packaged: 2019-06-09 13:03:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15268083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/revvon/pseuds/casscrawls, https://archiveofourown.org/users/nyanbacon/pseuds/nyanbacon
Summary: Mikey and Leatherhead have been dating for a few months, but have been keeping it under wraps from their friends and family. How long can they keep up the facade before one of them slips up?





	1. In the City of Wonder

The night was silent by the time Splinter finally turned out his light.

Mikey had laid awake, listening to Raph’s almost-snoring from across the room. It had proven to be difficult to lay still long enough to let the redhead think he was asleep, but he’d done it, and it boosted Mikey’s confidence just enough to make the rest of the plan seem feasible. 

Once he was sure Splinter was away in his room, he slowly pulled back the blanket to reveal he hadn’t taken off his clothes before crawling into bed- heck, he hadn’t taken off his shoes. It would’ve taken too much precious time to put them back on, and that ran the risk of waking his brothers. He swung his legs off the bed and glanced around the room to make sure there was a clear path to the door before quickly sneaking off and out into the hallway, hopefully without waking Raph. 

He pattered down the stairs as quietly as he could with his tennis shoes on, wincing when he stepped on that one stair that creaked. He glanced over his shoulder, but heard no creaking of floorboards from Leo and Donnie's room, and no scrambling to get up and defend the house from Raph, so he assumed they were too asleep to notice. He bolted over to the front door, heart thudding in his chest. He was nervous, but excited, and he suddenly found himself risking being found in favor of getting out into the cool midnight air.

He’d never felt so free. He let out a deep sigh as the front door swung shut quietly behind him. Worry of his brother’s finding him sneaking out so late at night was gone as he turned and ran down the sidewalk, grinning widely. He had the path to the park memorized and was quick to skid to a stop next to a bench, pulling his jacket back up over his shoulders. He hadn’t realized it’d fallen down in his excitement to get to the park. 

He sat down on the bench, catching his break, and fiddled with his hands in his lap. He was giddy, heart pounding. He was filled with adrenaline from slipping out of the house and running to the park, and now he was waiting for-

“Hey Mikey,” someone rumbled from behind him, and the blonde haired looked up with a wide grin at where Leatherhead was looking down at him with a calm smile.

“Hi,” Mikey greeted, voice shaking a bit from the elated feeling in his nerves. 

Leatherhead set a grocery bag down on the bench next to Mikey before walking around and sitting on the other side. “I made these for you.”

Mikey perked instantly, heart skipping a beat, and he pulled out a slightly warm container of chocolate chip cookies. “Aw, babe, you shouldn’t have.”

Leatherhead smiled softly. “I know, but I wanted to make them for you.”

Mikey leaned against him, his head only resting against the side of Leatherhead’s chest with how short he was. Leatherhead wrapped his arm around Mikey, enveloping him in warm protection against the colder breeze.

Mikey opened the container and pulled out a cookie, nibbling on the edge. They were still warm, freshly baked, and the chocolate chips were gooey enough to make a mess on Mikey’s lower lip when he bit into them. Leatherhead chuckled lightly as Mikey looked up at him curiously, and bent just far enough to kiss his lips and taste the chocolate off of them.

Mikey flushed and pressed his face into Leatherhead’s side, and he chuckled deeply. “I love you Mikey,” he murmured.

The younger nuzzled up against him, pressing into the larger’s warmth. “I love you too, L.”

The cookies were delicious, and as much as Leatherhead refused, Mikey managed to get him to eat a few. Leatherhead had Mikey pulled into his lap by the container was empty, and Mikey’s eyes were fluttering closed.

“Mmm… what time is it?” Mikey asked quietly, shifting so he could press further against Leatherhead’s torso.

The taller shifted with a frown. “... 3:02.”

“Shit!” Despite how exhausted Mikey was, he shot up into a sitting position. “I gotta get home!”

Leatherhead sat up. “Do you want me to walk with you?”

Mikey paused and looked at him. “... no, just in case someone is awake.”

He nodded understandingly and wrapped his arms around Mikey from behind. Mikey tilted his head back so he could kiss Leatherhead one last time.

“I love you, L,” he murmured.

“I love you too, Mike,” He rumbled, and Mikey revelled in the warmth before sliding off the bench and running home.


	2. Better Think Twice

It was almost exactly 3:20am when Mikey managed to push the front door open and creep inside, kicking off his tennis shoes and leaving them discarded wherever they happened to be. The door slid shut behind him and he let out the breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding, taking another step into the familiar warmth of the house and—

 

_ “Mrrooowww.” _

 

Mikey would never admit to anyone that he actually almost screamed. 

 

He tumbled backward into the couch, landing surprisingly hard against the soft cushions, and let out a soft gasp, lifting his hands to cover his mouth. 

 

There was Icy, staring at him with big, curious brown eyes as she leapt onto the couch and stepped into his lap, sitting down and staring right into his very soul. 

 

Caught by the cat.  _ Fantastic.  _

 

“You can keep a secret, right, kitty?” He cooed, scratching behind the calico’s ears. She let out a soft purr and kneaded her claws against his thighs, drawing a hiss from the blonde as he gathered her in his arms and stood, making a beeline for the stairs. 

 

Of course, nothing in his life had ever really gone the way it was planned. 

 

He stepped on the creaky step again. 

 

Mikey froze, lifting his foot off of it and holding it midair as he waited with bated breath to see if anybody were to get up. 

 

As luck would have it, nobody came. Apart from Donnie’s mumbled “go away Casey, nobody wants your donuts”, and Raph’s shockingly loud snoring, there wasn’t a single sound in the house. 

 

Mikey scurried up the remaining steps and nudged his door open, sliding through the doorway and chancing a quick look in Raph’s direction. The older boy was still completely out of it, breathing slow and snoring loud enough to wake the dead as usual. 

 

Icy let out a small meow and wiggled out of his arms, landing on his bed and curling up near the end of it. Mikey sighed and dropped into his bed, yanking the blankets up to his chin and rolling onto his side. 

 

His phone lit up with a common 4am text from Mondo, but Mikey couldn’t keep his eyes open long enough to read it. 

 

——

 

It was nine when Mikey blinked awake next, sitting up slowly and rubbing his eyes. 

 

“Sleeping in, huh?”

 

Mikey yelped and kicked off his blankets, tumbling off the bed and away from the voice. 

 

Raph burst into sudden laughter, wiping his eyes with his free hand. “Jeez, g’morning to you too!” He cackled, reaching over the bed to offer Mikey his hand. “How’s the floor feel?”

 

“Shut up,” Mikey whined, accepting his brother’s hand and pulling himself up. “So mean.” 

 

Raph was still grinning, even as he pulled his hand back and shoved Mikey’s shoulder playfully. “Mhm, whatever. Better hurry up, Leo’s in the kitchen.” 

 

Immediately, Mikey shrieked and leapt over the bed, dashing towards the dresser and flinging open a few drawers, yanked out a fresh change of clothes and sprinted into the bathroom to change. Because yeah, they were brothers, but they drew the line at changing in front of each other. Besides, privacy was always nice. 

 

By the time he’d finished changing and thrown his dirty clothes into the hamper (and probably missing), Raph had already fled downstairs. Mikey toppled down the stairs, yawning widely as he trudged into the kitchen.  

 

Sure enough, there was Leo in all his glory, standing over a mini-fire on the stove. 

 

_ Shocker. _

 

By the time they’d put the fire out and kicked Leo out of the kitchen, it was almost ten in the morning. And Mikey, running on approximately five hours of sleep, was perfectly ready to collapse onto the floor and just die. 

 

“I’m gonna make pancakes!” Mikey yelled across the house, hoping at least  _ one  _ sibling would be willing to respond. 

 

“Have fun!” Donnie shouted back, and that was all Mikey needed. The stove was on and flour was everywhere but what else was new? That was common in the mornings. 

 

Maybe half an hour later he was done, pushing the still-warm pan to the side, exhaustion seeping through his veins. Maybe he could close his eyes for a few seconds..?

 

The second Mikey closed his eyes, he was out. 

 

And immediately threw himself back with a scream because  _ Christ that was the stove he just placed his arm on.  _

 

Leo was there in an instant, blue eyes roaming across the kitchen until they settled on Mikey, who was cradling his arm and whining. “Mikey? What happened?” That common panic reserved only for family seeped into his voice as he spoke. 

 

Mikey groaned and pointed at the stove with his good arm. “I put my hand on the stove while it was still on.” He explained with a whine, blue eyes wide. “Sorry, Leo.” 

 

The older boy sighed and rubbed his forehead before approaching Mikey and crouching down next to him. “Does it hurt?”

 

“Nu-uh, just feels warm.” The blonde explained swiftly. 

 

“Let’s get an ice pack anyway.” Leo’s voice was soft as usual, but with a firm edge to it. “Just in case.”

 

—

 

As soon as Mikey was settled on the couch with an ice pack pressed against his arm, Leo was on him. 

 

“You’ve never burned yourself before.” 

 

Mikey shifted uncomfortably. “There’s a first time for everything, dude. Relax, I can hear you thinking.” 

 

Leo frowned. “Seriously, Mikey. How’d you burn your arm? What, did you fall asleep standing or something?”

 

At the guilty look that flashed across Mikey’s face, the older Hamato backpedaled quickly. “Oh my god. You  _ did _ , didn’t you? Mikey!” 

 

“I couldn’t fall asleep!” Mikey protested. Which, to be fair, wasn’t a  _ complete  _ lie. It was partially the truth, that had to count for something. Right?

 

Leo was staring at him with that unreadable look, and Mikey groaned inwardly. “How come?” 

 

“I.. Uh..” Mikey hesitated for a split second and then nearly snapped his fingers. “I had a bad dream!” He said. 

 

Leo raised his eyebrows at him. “You could’ve woken someone up if you couldn’t fall back asleep.” He pointed out. 

 

Because apparently nightmares were a big deal in the Hamato household. Mikey didn’t really see why, but hey, whatever floats your boat. Lying about a nightmare? Unheard of. Unless you’re Raph. Or Leo. Or Splinter. 

 

Okay, so just a big deal for the two “babies” of the family. Which totally wasn’t fair, because Donnie rarely got nightmares now. So it was really just Mikey. How come it was such a big deal? It was annoying to have every single member of the family on him about every little thing he did. 

 

But, to be fair, Mikey’s nightmares had always been rather.. Brutal, to say the least. So he could sort of see where his family was coming from. 

 

“I know, bro. I just didn’t want to get up. Too scary.” Mikey grinned sheepishly. 

 

And Leo? 

 

Leo was weak when it came to family. 

 

He gave Mikey a final, testing look before giving in and sighing. “What time did you fall asleep at?”

 

No point in lying. “Four, I think?”

 

“And you woke up at nine?”

 

“.. Yeah?”

 

Leo sighed for what must have been the third time, a slow exhale from his mouth. “Go take a nap, buddy. We’ve got breakfast under control.” He said, reaching over to ruffle the blonde hair on the couch. 

 

Mikey swatted at his hand but smiled despite himself, standing and depositing the ice pack in Leo’s hands. “I will. Thanks, Leo.” He said with a huge smile, before padding out of the living room and up the stairs. 

 

“We’ll wake you up later to help clean the basement!” Leo called after him, laughter clear in his tone. 

 

Mikey groaned but didn’t protest, simply yelled back his thanks and nudged the door open to step into the dark bedroom and collapse on his bed. 

 

He was vaguely aware of Icy crawling up to cuddle next to his head, before the entire world turned dark as his eyes slid shut. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ice Cream Kitty is the real hero here bless her honestly
> 
> — Egg


	3. Chapter 3

By the time Monday rolled around, Mikey was in a much better place.

He hadn’t been able to see Leatherhead again yet, which was a bit disappointing, but he’d caught up on sleep, and as much as he hated helping clean the basement (since it was usually Donnie’s mess  _ anyway _ and  _ why the hell should he clean scorch marks off the wall when he doesn’t even understand what caused them _ ), it was relaxing to spend the weekend cleaning out the metal scraps and reorganizing it with his brothers (mostly Donnie, but it was still nice). 

As per usual, the moment Raph pulled into the parking lot at school, and before he could shut off the car, Mikey had already ran off, disappearing into the crowds. One of the few advantages of being so small was that he was granted the ability to disappear into crowds and become invisible to his brothers. He headed directly to the tree where he usually met up with his friends to see Renet and Mondo there, but not Leatherhead. Not yet.

He ran up to them upon seeing them, pushing through the crowd with a wide smile on his face. Renet looked up from her laptop and waved ecstatically.

“Happy Monday!” She chirped and Mikey snorted, settling down next to Renet. “How was your weekend?”

“It was alright.” He glanced over her shoulder at her laptop. “I was up late Friday night and then I spent all weekend cleaning out the basement.”

“Ooh, what were you cleaning out?” She grinned at him. “Bodies?”

“Ew, no, of course not!” He shoved her lightly and she laughed as she leaned to the side. 

He let out a little chuckle. “No, we were reorganizing all the spare parts Don keeps down there.”

“What were you doing that kept you up so late on Friday?” Mondo asked, kicking his legs from where he was sitting higher in the tree, monitoring the crowd, probably for Leatherhead. Mikey was at least trying to keep his spying on the down low. 

“Ah, it was nothing.” Mikey waved off the question. “Just some bad dreams.”

Renet looked concerned, but she was cut off by Mondo shouting a loud, “ L!” when Leatherhead appeared in the crowd. The taller teenager smiled as he walked over to the group and sat down next to Mikey. 

“Hi L,” Renet chirped. “How was your weekend?”

“It was good,” Leatherhead rumbled, setting a grocery bag between him and Mikey. Mikey perked slightly and opened the bag before Leatherhead waved him off. “Not until lunch.”

Mikey whined and pressed against his side, but held back a verbal protest. Leatherhead had expressed distaste in telling anyone about their relationship- even Renet and Mondo- when it had started months before, and Mikey had been very vigilant about it. Sure, Friday night had been a bit of a slip up, but he still felt the need to respect Leatherhead’s wishes.

He didn’t pick up on the curious looks Renet shot them as Mikey sat leaned against Leatherhead until the bell rang to go to class

—-

Mikey practically flew through the hallways towards the cafeteria, stomach growling as his mind stay trained on the thought of the baked goods in Leatherhead’s grocery bag from that morning. He hadn’t gotten a good look at what they were, but he had a feeling they were chocolate, and Mikey  _ loved _ chocolate (but who didn’t?)

He swore his arm was going to be ripped out of his socket and he nearly fell all the way to the floor when someone grabbed him by the elbow, stopping him in his tracks. His breath hitched, alarmed, and he fully expected to see Mona Lisa when he looked up, but relaxed in the grip when he saw it was just Raph.

“Where the hell are you going so fast?” Raph grunted, loosening his grip enough to let Mikey straighten himself.

“To lunch,” Mikey answered innocently, before grinning. “Leatherhead baked something and I wanna try it.”

Raph’s face twisted into an unreadable expression at the mention of Leatherhead, and for a moment, Mikey swore there was a flash of hesitance- maybe fear?- in Raph’s eyes. The elder then shook his head and released his arm. “Fine. Be careful.”

“I will!” Mikey chirped before turning and running down the stairs and out the building. Ever since the incident with Mona, Raph had been much more attentive and paranoid about Mikey’s behaviors and actions. It bugged the hell out of Mikey, but he knew it was mostly to ease Raph’s anxiety, so he didn’t try to stop him.

His feet automatically took him to the table his friends sat at, and sat down next to where Leatherhead was setting a container on the table. Renet sat across the table next to Mondo, and she eyed the cupcakes that were revealed when Mikey opened it.

The smallest perked and took one, biting into it. “You make these yesterday?”

Leatherhead nodded as Mondo reached across and snatched one before either of them could respond.

“Why’d you bring them?” Renet asked.

Leatherhead shrugged. “No particular reason.”

“Are they for Mikey?”

“Well, sure, but you can have some too.” He pushed the container over to Renet, seemingly oblivious to what exactly Renet was hinting at.

“But it’s not like it matters,” Leatherhead countered with a frown.

“Ooh, Leatherhead making baked goods for Mikey?” Mondo inquired, suddenly leaning over the table with a smirk. “You sure there isn’t some alternate motive there?”

Mikey blinked and glanced over as Leatherhead tensed a bit. He rested the half eaten cupcake on the table. “Why do you need to know?”

Renet’s eyes lit up. “Well, we’re just curious, but if there really is something-“

“There isn’t anything,” Leatherhead growled, slamming a fist on the table. Mondo flinched back.

Mikey rested his hand on Leatherhead’s forearm and he relaxed with a sigh, hanging his head slightly. “I think we should tell them,” the blonde murmured. Leatherhead looked unsure, but with Mondo’s curious gaze and Renet’s piercing one trained on them, it was hard to ignore them and the burning desire to know what exactly it was Mikey and Leatherhead were hiding.

Mikey shifted. “L and I have been… dating. For a few months.”

Renet perked instantly. “Oh my gosh, that’s wonderful!” She cried, but Mikey quickly motioned for her to quiet down.

“Dudes, why didn’t you tell us?” Mondo asked, looking a bit hurt.

“We wanted to keep it a secret,” Leatherhead murmured. “To keep sexuality from becoming a problem in how people close to us perceive us.”

Renet giggled. “You know you can trust us, of all people.”

“Yeah,” Mondo agreed with a nod. “But we can keep a secret, if you don’t want others finding out. Shouldn’t be too hard.”

“That would be appreciated,” Leatherhead said quickly, and Mikey nodded, choosing to wait and talk about coming out to his brothers until later.


	4. If You Must Falter, Be Wise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Potential trigger warnings for bad descriptions of panic attacks
> 
> the way I wrote them is the way I get mine, and how my sister helps me cope with them. It’s my technique, not everyone’s. I just don’t know any other way, sorry aaaaaaAAA—

“Don!”

 

“What?!” The voice was muffled by the door separating the hallway from the basement. 

 

“Can you grab me a water bottle?”

 

“I’m downstairs you deaf shit!”

 

And so on. Because really, what was an afternoon in the Hamato house without a little bit of drama?  _ Nonexistent, that’s what.  _ And their father wasn’t home, so nobody was allowed to tattle on each other’s strong use of language. 

 

“Mikey!” 

 

Mikey rolled over on the couch to face his brother, grasping a pillow, and covering his face with it. “Noooo.” He whined into the fabric. “I don’t wanna!”

 

Raph groaned from across the room, and Mikey could hear the  _ thud  _ that signaled his older brother slamming either his face or his fist against the coffee table. “Come on! Help me out, Mike. Please.”

 

“Get it yourself!”

 

“I’m busy!” Raph protested a bit of a tired edge creeping into his voice. “I have to finish this! It’s due tomorrow, damnit!”

 

“You shoulda started it yesterday, then!” Donnie’s voice floated up from the basement, and then there was a sudden thudding sound and what  _ sounded  _ like an  _ explosion.  _ Footsteps pounded up the stairs and then the basement door was thrown open, sending smoke wafting into the main part of the house. 

 

The fire alarm began to beep and Raph yelled angrily and swept his textbooks off the coffee table, scattering them across the floor as he stood and stomped over to Donnie, who was bent over in the hallway choking on the smoke. 

 

So Mikey just sort of tuned them out, standing and yanking his blanket onto his shoulders before marching out of the living room and up the staircase (but only after pausing to look at Don; He looked okay, just a little.. a little sooty. And really,  _ really  _ grumpy, plus the flailing arms— oh boy) toward his room. 

 

His phone buzzed in his pocket and he lifted it, pressing his thumb on the screen and unlocked it, scrolling through the new messages he’d received. 

 

_ — _

 

_ BluesClues: Quick question _

 

_ Blues Clues: Literally what the fuck is this bullshit math assignment supposed to be _

 

_ BluesClues: Asking for a friend I swear _

 

_ MondoGecko: why would I kno _

 

_ BluesClues: I wasn’t exactly asking you, bud _

 

_ MondoGecko: Thanks, sweetie _

 

_ BluesClues: get your eyes off of my lesbian ass and focus on someone else you soggy toast _

 

_ MondoGecko: ;’)))) _

 

_ BluesClues: get away from me pls _

 

_ OrangeJuice: hi my name is Mikey with a B and I’ve been afraid of bugs my entire life— _

 

_ BluesClues: waITWAITWAIT. Where?? _

 

_ OrangeJuice: Where what? _

 

_ MondoGecko: wheres the B???? _

 

_ OrangeJuice: tHERES A BEE— _

 

_ BluesClues: therES A BEE??— _

 

_ MondoGecko: ,, y’all really disappoint me sometimes tbh _

 

_ OrangeJuice: :’)) _

 

_ OrangeJuice: anyway has anyone seem LH?? _

 

_ BluesClues: is ur goin on a date to the mall can I third wheel please _

 

_ BluesClues: the girl that works @ newbury comics is super cute _

 

_ OrangeJuice: ,,, no?? _

 

_ OrangeJuice: I haven’t heard from him since school got out, just wondering _

 

_ MondoGecko: no, sorry Mike _

 

_ BluesClues: ditto, sorry :”0 _

 

_ OrangeJuice: ack thanks anyway _

 

_ — _

 

The blonde deposited his phone on his bed, letting it sink into the blankets as he crouched in the floor, reaching under his bed to haul out the sweatshirt he’d (stolen) borrowed from Leatherhead all those weeks ago. It was huge on him, he practically disappeared into it. And plus it was super soft, he could cuddle intonit for  _ hours  _ and never get sick of it. 

 

Sure, olive green wasn’t exactly his color, but Mikey could make it work. He made  _ everything  _ work. Just took a little bit of readjusting.  _ Right? _

 

His phone was buzzing on the bed behind him but he elected to ignore it for the time being, content to roll onto his stomach on the wooden floor and flip open the newest release of alienoids. 

 

The phone buzzed relentlessly on the bed, practically vibrating the whole room. Mikey groaned and reached back, groping blindly for it while keeping his eyes on the comic. The phone clattered onto the ground beside the comic and he pressed the  _ accept  _ button, blue eyes bright with their usual  _ oh my god he’s my boyfriend do you know how lucky I am?  _ glow. 

 

“Hey babe, what’s up?—“

 

_ “Michelangelo, I—“  _ The taller broke off, and the line was dead quiet for a few moments. 

 

Mikey pushed himself into a sitting position, nearly kicking the comic in his haste to sit up straight and press the phone against his ear. “Leather? What’s up, buddy?”

 

His words were met with labored breathing, and his concern grew stronger. “Oh,” Blue eyes widened with understanding and the blonde nodded wisely. “Okay. Leath, where are you? Are you  _ safe? _ ” That was the million dollar question. 

 

It was quiet for a few heartbeats, and then a shaky  _ “yeah”  _ broke the quiet. 

 

Mikey let out he breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding, practically able to feel his heartbeat slowing a tiny bit. “Okay. Okay. Good. Focus on my voice, okay big guy? Breathe with me. In and out. Ready?”

 

It was quiet. Mikey took it as a yes. 

 

“Okay. In, two, three, four, five, exhale, two, three four five. In, two, three, four five, out, two, three, four, five. Do it with me?” 

 

It was quiet. The only thing Mikey could hear through his phone were the soft breaths Leatherhead was attempting to rein back under his control. 

 

Soon, the taller began to mimic his breathing, breaths slower and longer, becoming less erratic and violent. 

 

Since his breathing was slowing, Mikey did what he did best; He opened his mouth and started to talk. 

 

It was mostly random things that had happened throughout the day, but it was just so  _ normal.  _ It was  _ something  _ to fill the silence with. And slowly but surely, the heavy breathing evened out and Mikey broke off mid-sentence. 

 

“You okay, big fella?” Mikey asked softly, blue eyes moving to look at the phone cradled in his palm. 

 

_ “Yes. Thank you, Mikey.”  _ Leatherhead responded honestly. 

 

Mikey hesitated briefly, casting a careful glance at the closed door before turning his attention back to his phone. “What happened? Are you okay?” 

 

_ “I am okay now. Thank you, Mikey.”  _

 

“No problem babe. You have my number for a reason.” 

 

Soft laughter filled his ears and Mikey’s heart swelled. It sounded tired, yes, but it was still just so  _ Leatherhead. “I love you.”  _

 

Heart in his throat, Mikey nearly choked. “Love you too, Leath. You sure you’re okay? The door is always open for you, you know that, right?

 

_ “I know. I’m going to my neighbors for a bit. I’ll call you when I get there. You can ask questions when I get there, if you want.” _

 

“I won’t. ‘Won’t press you unless your comfortable telling. Please stay safe,”

 

_ “I will.”  _

 

It was quiet for a few beats. 

 

_ “And Mikey?” _

 

“Yeah?”

 

_ “I love you.” _

 

And Mikey let a smile spread across his face. “I love you too. So much.”

 

There was a soft, breathy chuckle from the other end of the line before they both hung up. 

 

Mikey places his phone on the floor next to him and dug his palms into his eyes while fighting off a sob. 

 

_ Leatherhead doesn’t deserve this Leatherhead doesn’t deserve this Leatherhead doesn’t deserve this he deserves the world and if I could give it to him I would.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Egg here!! Thanks for reading!! If you’re reading this, it means you got through the mess that I wrote. 
> 
> All mistakes are completely mine and I’m sorry about them :0


	5. Disease of the Mind

Mikey sat kneeled on the floor of the basement, rubbing a coarse rag repeatedly over the scorch marks that had appeared on the floor after the previous day’s… incident. Leo had told Donnie to have the basement clean, and Donnie had coerced them into cleaning it with (for) him in exchange for him doing their homework for that night. So Raph had dumped his essay on Donnie, and Mikey his math homework, while they worked on cleaning up the broken metal bits and the scorch marks off the walls. 

Raph had gone upstairs to fill their bucket with clean water, leaving behind silence now that he wasn’t picking fights over anything and everything possible. Mikey pushed the sleeves of his rainbow sweatshirt further up his forearms so he could continue scrubbing the floor feverently. He would’ve much rather had Leatherhead’s sweater draped over his much smaller frame, but he didn’t want to get it dirty, or raise questions, so he’d resorted to the next best thing- pronouncing his sexuality without anyone knowing.

He frowned as he pushed his sleeves back up his forearms again, the loose hems falling down quickly. The rainbow color was distracting, and it made his mind wander to… dangerous places.

“Mikey?”

The smaller jumped and turned to look at Donnie, who had turned in his chair to look at where Mikey was kneeled on the floor. “Yeah?”

“You look distracted. Are you alright?”

“‘Course.” Mikey snorted, as if the answer was obvious. “I’m just… thinking.”

“... ‘bout what?”

Mikey hesitated, and it was enough of a hesitation that he knew Donnie would’ve noticed, and that he couldn’t get out of brushing the question off. It’s just… this topic meant so much to him, it was hard for him to  _ not  _ talk about it.

The youngest sat back and turned to look at Donnie, crossing his legs. “Is it okay like guys?”

Donnie seemed taken aback by the question- like he hadn’t been expecting it, or he thought it was absurd. “You mean to be gay?”

“Uh huh.” Mikey nodded. “Is that… okay?”

Donnie furrowed his brow. “Well, I don’t see why it wouldn’t be.”

“What?” Raph grunted as he hauled a bucket full of water down the stairs and set it roughly on the floor.

Donnie looked over in alarm. “Well don’t break the damn thing!”

“What were you two talking about?” Raph challenged. He was too accustomed to Donnie and Mikey trying to deflect questions. As oblivious as he was from time to time, he knew when someone was trying to avoid answering his questions.

Mikey shifted and turned back to the scorch marks he was scrubbing at, not answering. Donnie sighed heavily. “Mikey was asking if it’s okay to be gay.”

Raph’s answer was immediate. “Why wouldn’t it be?”

“That’s what I said.”

“What’d he say?”

Mikey stiffened a bit when he felt their gazes on his hunched back. “I dunno.” He sat back on his heels again, winding the dirty rag between his fingers nervously. “I guess I was just kinda…”

“Are you gay?” Raph asked suddenly, much to Donnie’s immediate distaste.

“What?!” Mikey turned to them in alarm, pulling on the rag slightly and hurting the fingers it was wound around. He needed to find a way out of this, he’d talked himself into a hole he couldn’t get out of unless-

“No, of course not.” He let out a chuckle, unable to hold back the nervousness that laced the noise. “I’ve just been…” He hesitated. “Doing research for a school project. And, you know, you find all those articles about…” He trailed off, suddenly finding it hard to speak. “Abuse, o-or being kicked out of the house, because they aren’t…”

His thoughts flashed to the phone call- the panic he’d felt hearing Leatherhead’s labored breathing, and the sickening anxiety he had after being told he was going to his neighbor’s house. He could only imagine what had happened to…

He covered his mouth with his hands, shaking a bit. “I-it’s just…”

He jumped when he felt Donnie place a hand on his back. “It’s horrible,” he finished, voice soft, and Mikey nodded, sucking in a breath quickly. 

“It’s okay to be gay,” Raph said, voice firm. “It’s not… wrong. Like so many people think. They’re just small minded.”

“He’s right. For once…”

“Hey!”

“Listen, Mike.” Donnie sat down on the floor next to him, and Mikey turned to look at him, wiping his eyes on his sleeve. “There are a lot of families out there that… wouldn't be supportive of having queer children, or siblings. It’s an undeniable fact. They just… fear what’s different.”

“... a-and…”

Donnie tilted his head.

“And what if I was gay?”

The question seemed to weigh heavy in the air for several moments and Mikey recoiled a bit, looking down, fearing their answer.

“Wouldn’t change anything,” Raph finally said, when Donnie wouldn’t respond, with a shrug. “You’re still our little brother. We still love you. Bein’ gay doesn’t change that. Nothing does.”

Mikey’s shoulders sagged and he took another quivering breath, pulling his sleeves over his hands. “Really?”

“Absolutely.” Donnie rubbed Mikey’s shoulder softly. “Mikey, there’s nothing you could do that would make us love you any less than we do.”

“Don’t say that,” Raph warned. “He’ll start trying things to see if it’s true.”

Mikey let out a wet laugh and wiped at the tears still hovering in his eyes. “I won’t,” he promised in a soft voice.

Donnie ruffled his hair lightly. “Now.” He pointed to the scorch marks on the floor. “Finish cleaning those up.”

Mikey tilted his head back, letting out an annoying groan. “But Dooooon-”

And just like that, things were back to as they had been before. Raph was arguing with Donnie about useless things, Donnie was putting his brothers to work. And Mikey still had a heavy secret hanging over his head.


	6. It’s Like the Darkness is the Light

_ — And Mikey still had a heavy secret hanging over his head.  _

 

Which was  _ exhausting  _ sometimes. 

 

Even now, sitting with his back against the pillows, scrolling through old pictures with his friends, Mikey couldn’t help but feel  _ really fucking tired.  _ Tired of keeping secrets, tired of sneaking around, tired of lying to everyone he knew, just tired in general. 

 

Across the room on the chair in the corner, Donnie let out a sudden gasp, leaping to his feet and muttering something about cups and water and homework before tearing out of the room and into the basement again. The door slammed shut behind him, leaving the living room in silence. 

 

Mikey sighed and rolled onto his stomach, readjusting the pillows into a more comfortable position for him as he continued to scroll through the pictures, blue eyes trained on the screen. 

 

The phone let out a soft  _ ping  _ and he switched the tab over to messages, clicking the unread text. 

  
  


_ MegaGator: Are you still up for tonight? Renet said your English teacher gave out a project today.  _

_ OrangeJuice: Ofc i am _

_ OrangeJuice: okay yes but i don’t like her so ill do it next week _

_ OrangeJuice: moving on where are we meeting up? _

_ MegaGator: You’re lucky you are cute _

_ OrangeJuice: thanks I try _

_ MegaGator: The park by the swing set _

_ OrangeJuice: done ill see you then <33 _

_ MegaGator: See you then _

_ MegaGator: <3 _

  
  


Yawning, Mikey dropped his phone onto the couch beside his head and then promptly dropped his head into the pillows. 

 

“What’s got you so tired?” Raph’s all-too familiar ‘ _ you gonna talk or what _ ’ voice breaking the silence of the house. 

 

Mikey lifted his head, propping his face up in his hands. “Nothiiiing. But, y’know, it  _ is  _ almost nine. A little past your bedtime, Raphie?” 

 

“Better sleep with one eye open, shortie.” Raph lifted one hand to do the universal symbol for  _ I’m watching you  _ before backpedaling out of the room and vanishing up the stairs. 

 

(Mikey’s mistake was not taking him seriously.) 

 

—

 

At 10:30, the entire house was dead asleep. No explosions coming from the basement, no humming from their father’s room, even Raph’s snoring was at a minimum. 

 

Mikey pushed himself out of his bed, swinging his legs to the right to drop into his sneakers, leaning over to reach down and tie them. He snatched his phone off the floor next to the bed and stood, slowly creeping his way out of he room. Raph didn’t stir. 

 

In the hallway, Mikey could breathe easier, but only slightly. Because even though there was no chance of Raph just sitting up and spotting him putting on his sneakers, there were still the stairs. The annoying, creaky step awaited him. 

 

_ Oh boy.  _

 

He made his way over to the stairs, lifting one foot to put down on the first stair—

 

“Thazso grooossss, muffins caaaant have wooormmms in theeem, Caaaassseeyyy..” 

 

Mikey gasped and nearly missed the step, putting his foot on the step before dissolving into silent giggles on the stairs. (Leave it to Donnie and his weird dreams to make leaving so much more difficult.)

 

He narrowly avoided the squeaky step and hurried down the remaining steps, snatching his darker colored sweatshirt from the couch before unlocking the door and slipping out of the house. 

 

It wasn’t  _ too  _ cold out, just a bit chilly. But the bite of the wind was enough for Mikey to pull the sweatshirt on over his head, pulling the hood up and pulling the drawstrings tight so the hood itself tightened a bit. 

 

(But hey, at least the park was close by, right?)

 

It took less than twenty minutes for Mikey make it to the park. So he was ten minute— give or take a few— early. 

 

He sat down on one of the swings and yawned, pressing his fingertips together as he waited, sitting in the cool breeze. 

 

And then suddenly Leatherhead was there, literally lifting him off the swing with ease. 

 

“Hello,” Leather was smiling, sitting down on the bench and placing Mikey on his lap. “Nice to see you.” 

 

“Hiya,” Mikey grinned, lifting one arm to nudge the taller affectionately. “Come here often?” 

 

Leather’s laugh was soft, oh so soft, but his reply was fond. “Only for boys named Michelangelo.” 

 

“That’s my Leather,” Mikey lifted himself slightly to press a chaste kiss to Leatherhead’s cheek before dropping and shifting slightly to cuddle into him. “Did you bring any cookies? Man, you gotta teach me how to make those, you got the good looks and the personality  _ and  _ the talent.” 

 

Leather simply smiled and wrapped his long arms around Mikey, placing his chin on the blonde’s head. “Next time,” He promised, a fond glow in his eyes. “How was math? You always complain about the teacher.” 

 

“Oh my  _ god,  _ you’re so lucky you don’t have him. Okay, so you know that girl, the really tall one with the weird amount of freckles and—“ 

 

—

 

It was two in the morning when Mikey  _ really  _ started dozing off, losing concentration while he talked and while Leather talked too. 

 

“Hey,” Mikey felt Leather shift slightly. “It’s late; Time to go home, Mike.” 

 

“Mhm,” Mikey opened his eyes slowly and yawned, pushing himself to his feet and stretching himself out. “I’ll call you later.” He promised. 

 

Leather nodded and the two exchanged a hug (and Leather pressed a soft kiss to Mikey’s temple) before parting ways, Mikey turning left and Leather going forward. 

 

The way home was chilly without someone to walk with but Mikey managed just fine, tucking his hands into his pockets while he kicked a rock along the sidewalk. 

 

It took less time than he thought to make it home, losing the rock in the grass as he hopped up the front steps and unlocked the door, slipping into the house and locking the door behind him. 

 

And then the lights turned on and Mikey immediately knew that he was  _ fucked.  _

 

“The fuck have you been?” 

 

Mikey turned slowly to face the living room, color draining out of his skin. 

 

Leo and Donnie were both on the couch (though the latter looked exhausted and ready to collapse at any given moment), while Raph was standing nearer the tv, leaning against the wall with stormy green eyes. 

 

_ Shit. _

 

They being honest can hurt as much as lying. 

 

“Out..?”

 

“Yeah, no kidding.” Emerald green eyes met sky blue. “It’s two in the morning, Michelangelo. So, I repeat my question;  _ where the fuck were you. _ ” 

 

And sometimes telling the truth hurts  _ more  _ than lying. 

 

“At the park.” Mikey steeled himself against the obvious fury radiating off of his russet haired brother. 

 

“Why?” Compared to Raph, Leo’s voice was softer than usual, though concern bled from his voice. “Why so late?” 

 

“I—“

 

“You can’t just  _ leave  _ like that,—“

 

“— Can’t believe you—“

 

“— Actually ridiculous, and—“

 

“How could you  _ leave _ like that, we—“

 

“Do you know how  _ worried  _ we were—“

 

And Mikey’s muddled mind flashed in fear and the voices were too much and he just needed everyone to be quiet and—

 

_ “I LIKE BOYS.” _

 

And the room fell silent. 

 

_ Don’t look at them. Don’t think about the disappointment they feel don’t think about how Donnie won’t talk to you anymore don’t think about how Raph won’t help youanymoredontthinkabouthowLeosgonnakickyououtofthehouseand— _

 

So Mikey did the next best thing. 

 

He whirled around and threw the front door open. 

 

He was distantly aware of Leo and Donnie standing and Raph reaching for him but he yanked his arm away and sprinted. 

 

_ The park.  _

 

That place would be quiet, right? Who else would be awake at two in the morning?

 

He really needed the quiet. 

 

The wind was cold and unforgiving, sweeping his hair into his eyes as he fought back the tears gathering in his eyes, waiting to fall. 

 

By the time he made it to the park, the wind was freezing, slipping through his sweatshirt to bite at his skin as he sat on the bench and pulled his legs up, pulling his sweatshirt over his knees. 

 

It was coldcold _ cold _ but he didn’t feel it anymore. 

 

Everything felt numb. The world seemed slow and distorted. It was quiet, leaves rustling in the wind and Mikey chanced a glance over his shoulder at the tree line, gaze locked on a leaf as it floated to the ground. 

 

It was quiet for a few more minutes, and then several familiar thudding noises sounded and Mikey turned his head slowly, turning to come face-to-face with Leo. (And he didn’t have the will to move away anymore.)

“Mikey,” Leo’s voice seemed muffled, though his sharp blue eyes didn’t. Not at all. They spoke for themselves. “Mikey. Listen to me. Can you hear me?” 

 

It was soft and muffled but yeah. Mikey nodded slowly. 

 

“Listen to me. Okay?” 

 

It was quiet for another moment as Mikey nodded again. 

 

“This doesn’t change anything.” Leo’s voice was soft but less muddled than at first. “You’re still Mikey. You’re still our baby brother.” 

 

Leo was only a few steps away, but suddenly it felt like a mile. 

 

“We love you, Mikey. That won’t ever change.” 

 

And Mikey launched himself at Leo and wrapped his arms around the older, clinging desperately to the soft fabric of his jacket as Leo lifted his arms to return the hug. 

 

It was silent for a few moments before Mikey reached up with one hand, feeling the air desperately for  _ either  _ of his other siblings, and Raph caught his hand and joined the hug with Donnie following in suit not long after. 

 

He was vaguely aware of being lifted off the ground, of something soft and warm being wrapped around his body, of someone tousling his hair, and Mikey felt  _ safe.  _

 

The wind was still cold, but Mikey didn’t feel it anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow okay I’m really sorry for the wait y i k e s please don’t kill me aaAAAAA
> 
> Anyway congrats on making it through his chapter!! Here’s my love and appreciation <33


	7. Chapter 7

Mikey lay curled up on his bed the next morning. Raph had gotten out of bed nearly an hour ago, off to do something with Slash, probably. His brothers had made him sleep in this morning, after the ordeal from the previous night.

He sighed and slowly reached under his pillow, pulling his phone out and glancing at the time. 10:33. Leatherhead would probably be awake.

He unlocked his phone and dialed Leatherhead’s number, before putting the phone to his ear. It rang three times before the other picked up.

“Good morning, Michelangelo.”

Mikey groaned.

“Is everything alright?”

“Yes-I mean, no. I just…” His voice died in his throat and he curled up in the fetal position, biting his lip.

“What happened?” Leatherhead sounded worried- too worried for the situation. Mikey shouldn’t be this anxious about it. Not with the position Leatherhead was in.

“They know I’m gay.”

The line was silent and he curled up tighter, shaking a bit.

“How did they react?”

“It was…” He was quiet. “Fine, I think. They were real mad I got home so late, but… they said I was… still their brother, and stuff.”

“So they accepted you.”

“Uh huh.”

“That’s wonderful, Mike.”

Mikey closed his eyes.

“Why don’t you seem happier about it? I know you were having trouble with the secret, but-”

“I just feel bad, L. I know you can’t, and I was-”

“You shouldn’t be beating yourself up over that, Mike.”

“How can I not?” His voice got a bit shrill as he sat up. “If I felt bad about keeping the secret, I don’t… I can’t imagine what it feels like for you…”

There was a soft chuckle on the other end of the line. “Michelangelo, you amaze me sometimes.”

“Huh…?” He sounded confused.

“Even when you were the one who had a rough night, you’re still more worried about how I feel than how you feel.”

Mikey blinked before letting out a sigh, relaxing and smiling slightly. “C’mon, L, you know I care too much about you to push your problems aside.”

“I just think sometimes you need to think about your own well being, and not everyone else’s.”

“... yeah. You’re probably right.”

“I know I am.”

“But you know I… I’ll just spend all my time worrying about you.”

Leatherhead sighed, and it came out staticky in Mikey’s ear.

“I do wish things were… better than they are.”

Mikey bit his lip, eyes stinging. 

“But I do believe things’ll get better,” Leatherhead said quickly, in an attempt to reassure a painfully quiet Mikey.

“They always get worse before they do, though…”

He was met with silence.

“I need to go.”

“Okay- L?”

“Hmm?”

“I’m sorry.”

There was a hushed, but fond, sigh.

“It’s okay, Mike.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.”

The line clicked as Leatherhead hung up and Mikey fell back onto the bed, staring at the ceiling. All the panicked thoughts, the fears, the bad dreams, the paranoia- worrying about himself, and Leatherhead, and what was gonna happen to them-

It built up behind his eyes and he quickly turned to bury his face in his blanket in a feeble attempt to muffle his overwhelmed sobs. His chest ached and he found it difficult to breathe. So many things had gone so right, yet so wrong the past week, and it was just too much to try and handle- to try and comprehend.

He just wanted things to get better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short end chapter! We hope you enjoyed the story.   
> And, ah, sorry for the unsatisfying ending >:) you'll have to stick around to find out why it ended like that, though.


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